Sexual Foreplay: An End in Itself (an essay)

           It is rare to pick up a magazine at the grocery check-out without seeing something in regards to sex. There’s only so much one can say about the act itself, but foreplay is always a subject that can be embellished on, and we see it everywhere. And if you think third base action is overrated, you wouldn’t be picking up that magazine, admit it. I will. Foreplay can be more stimulating and satisfying than the actual act of intercourse. The means that was supposed to lead to an end is, for all intensive purposes, an end in itself. There is a science to foreplay, just as there is a science to sex.

    It’s pretty obvious that most of us choose intimate partners based at least partially on aesthetics. It’s also evident to many of us that we are biologically inclined to do so in order to produce healthy children. Many animals are biologically programmed to select an attractive mate who looks like he or she would be most capable of producing a healthy, attractive baby. Of course most mammals, including our own species, aren’t quite consciously aware of this reasoning. In fact, sex often isn’t about reproduction at all, but about physical and psychological satisfaction. If you don’t believe me check the statistics on birth control usage. This brings us to a less obvious conclusion regarding foreplay.

Sexual foreplay can be even more stimulating than the actual act of copulation itself, both psychologically (Oooh, she’s gonna do what to me, where?) and physically. (What else could a clitoris be for?) But when did we figure this out, and what exactly, if any, is the biological purpose of such acts? They are not, after all, always necessary to perform before sex, as sufficient physiological arousal can be reached just at the mere thought of sex for most people. Of course men do achieve orgasm easier and faster than women and if a significant amount of foreplay has preceded intercourse the woman may be more likely to achieve orgasm in the time he allots her, but the reasoning behind human sexual foreplay goes much deeper than that.

Zoologist Desmond Morris seeks to explain this behavior from an objective stance. Morris points out that the human animal participates in more intense sexual behavior than any other animal. In short, we have more sex, longer, and more times, and with much more enjoyment than any other species alive. Makes me glad to be a human being, I must say! Anyway, Morris takes us back to our primitive ancestors to find answers to the questions that arise from studying this aspect of human behavior, in his book, The Naked Ape. I know right? Morris points out first that in the era of hunter-gatherers, the men had to hunt, which required cooperation among them, weak and strong alike. Women, on the other hand, had the amazing task of raising the children, so amazing because humans stay children longer than any other species in order for our terrifically huge brains to grow. To prevent instances of single motherhood and male rivalries over women, humans began to form strong pair-bonds, a primitive equivalent of modern fidelity. Here is where we developed the capacity to fall in love and form committed relationships. Here is also where I get to the point:

In order to stay in love and keep the pair bond, which was so important for the tranquility of the group and development of the child, Morris says sex had to become more, well…interesting. Foreplay evolved to make sex more rewarding and enjoyable, in order to keep the pair excited, and essentially, satisfied with each other. Sex, foreplay included, often has no procreative function, but a function, nonetheless. Specialized organs such as the lips, earlobes, breasts and genitalia are so endowed with nerve endings that we have numerous erogenous zones to choose from. In short, the human body began to evolve to become more and more sexual. Morris explains that even our physical features changed to make us more aesthetically pleasing to the eye. The perfect pink pout advertising lip-gloss on the back-cover of the magazine at the grocery check-out evolved to imitate the lips of the vagina. The two round breasts, which are less practical for nursing children than that of any other mammal, evolved to imitate the two round buttocks that the male used to associate with sex - back when doggy-style was the customary position. Morris cleverly explains that after humans developed the need to walk upright, they also needed to change their reproductive position to a horizontal one in order for a pregnancy to be better achieved. To switch positions like this required that more sexual features be located on the front of the female’s body.

If all of this sounds too scientific to be sexy, think again. As Desmond Morris accurately asserts, we are the sexiest species alive, and that fact is indeed in our best interest. This brings us to the relevant question of How is that working out for us now, in the 21^st century? Is the customary extended sexual foreplay still helping couples stay together in their pair bonds (relationships)? Is it still true that the more stimulating activities there are to choose from, the less likely it is that one will get bored with his or her partner and seek another? Or does the provision of so many sexual activities just make sexual behavior more appealing with any and all partners? It is certainly true that marriages, at least in America, do not last as long as they used to, and that society as a whole now wears sex on it’s sleeve where it used to keep it in its pants. But one thing is for sure: We can attribute the pleasures of sexual foreplay and attraction to nature and our own evolution. Whether or not the means to an end has become an end in itself.