The color
of my collar
is the Working
Class
Financial survival
off the sweat
from our backs
This construction
trade just fell
in my lap
I bit
the sweet treat
and succumbed to
the trap
This addiction
to the money,
this love of
the road
This pride
in being the
only girl I
know who knows
The thrill of
climbing up the iron in steel
toes
I start
feeling naked without
my hard-hat
Some days
I work so
long and hard
that
I come
home with no
patience so
When she
whines I yell
back
She wants
to play but
I’m ready to
crash out
“Mommy’s tired,
Baby, but at
least Mommy’s around”
Nighttime sometimes
I wake up and stare
at her
Wondering if
this is all
fair to her
Living so
busy each moment,
switching schools and
hotels
But it’s
McDonalds or college
if this shit
fails
This capitalistic
contribution to America
Really furthest
from the intentions
of we who
construct
Maybe we
just never grew
out of playing
with Lego’s
Just supporting
our own however
we’re able
Dreaming in
fables, of a
day we’ve got
more than just
Food on the
table
Shit, I
can’t afford to
fix my bones
and teeth
Thanks to
the gluttony of the monopoly
And I
gross more than
the average American
so I shouldn’t
complain
But I
look at my
tax deduction and
I feel fucking
raped
That didn’t
go to getting
this road I
wander paved
Doesn’t get
my childcare paid
Taxes for
blood for oil,
the American way
But I
just try to
get by, telling
myself “Of course you
can”
Not eating
out of a
garbage can, not
being supported by a man
I just
wish I could
avoid the way
of this country
I just
wish that I
didn’t need their
money
If I
only had free
time, I’d do
great things with
it
If only
I didn’t have
to work so much
in this life,
I could live
it
I know,
I know, I
sound pessimistic
I know
nobody owes me
shit
But it’s
hard to be a single
mom and work
so much
I got
a couple girlfriends
who just want
to give up
They call
me crying about
the bills they
can’t pay
I tell
them “Wipe your
eyes, ‘cause life
is great
Your baby’s
love is one
thing life can
never take away”
So I
take my own
advice at the
end of a hard day
Take a
deep breath, sit
with my daughter
and play
This time
is now, all
we’ve got is
this minute
Stop whining,
stop worrying, and
live it
So easy
to say, so
easy to write,
to rhyme
But I’m
in the habit
of living like
I’ve got no
time
For a
while I got
too wild and
she slipped from
my arms,
My precious child
And oh
the hoops I jumped
through, and oh the
papers I filed
Now I’m
pretty quiet, sit on the
sidelines
Sometimes I’m
scared to talk
to people, just
like my four-year-old
Who does
as I do
and not as
she’s told
And I never tell
her I’m a
perfect example
And I know
I never
grew out of
my temper tantrums
Talking to
people I’m still
stuttering “but” and
“um”
I’ve never
grown up but
I’ve learned to
own up
To the
mistakes I’ve made
and to put
them behind me
But I
will always have
their scars to
remind me
I think
they are telling
me to stay
busy, don’t go
crazy
In my
little spare time
I’m self-educating
My spiritual
beliefs turned upside-down
a year ago
My security
blanket got a hole
That ripped
into a new
exploration of my
mind
Maybe that’s why
I always get so quiet
It’s never
the same when
you talk about
it
I lose
my words and replace
a lot with
“…and shit…”
But I can go
absolutely forever with a pen
Until this
notebook runs out of paper
And I
have to add
some more with
a stapler
Scribble down
more lines in the margins
later
I’m teaching
my daughter how to write
now
I wonder
if she’ll love
it like I do
She’s always
scribbling and making
up stories and
songs
And saying
that she writes,
too
But I’ll
be so proud
no matter what
she decides to do
And I
plan to be
the kind of
mom who will
introduce
Her to
all kinds of
options, arts, philosophies
Nourish her
growing intellectual needs
She won’t
grow up so
ignorant like me
Fall for
loser idiots like
me, give up
on school and
quit like me
Maybe it’s
a fantasy, that she will
learn from my
mistakes
But I’ll
watch for the
warning signs and
I might not
be too late
One thing
I know is
I will never
push her away
Always be
there with clean
sheets for the
beds that she
makes
To say: “I love
you, Haley, you’re
my life
You and
I will do
just fine, always
do better than
just survive
sticking together,
using our minds
I lost
you once and
how I cried,
for your return,
my precious child
And until
I won, I
fought and I
fought that fight
Now here
we are together,
and everything is
right”
She’s got
a daddy somewhere
that never really
tries
Lives in
fantasies, on drugs,
and in lies
I replaced
him once with
not a helluvah
guy
Just a
step up for
a guy
Whose initial
chivalry was a
clever disguise
I got
his name in
ink and I
had my head
up his ass
She says, “Mommy,
if he says
he’s sorry will
we go back?”
I tell
her “sorry” is
just a word
and we don’t
need a man
Don’t need
Spokane, we’re Arizonans
Yeah, here
in A.Z. I
got my broken
family
My big
brother is my
closest branch of
our tree
But very
recently my parents
excluded me
It’s hard
not to be bitter, even
harder to trust
Makes me
question the concept
of motherly love
How quick
she replaced me
with my child
and gave me up
Took my
child and tore
me up in
front of a
judge
While my
daddy stood back
with his palms
up
Now I’ll
shut up---It’s over
and done
Now I
don’t have to
answer to anyone
It’s hard
doing my own
thing, I barely
know how
For sure
it’s an adventure,
and I’ve got
my fears and
doubts
But this
time is now,
all we’ve got
is this minute
I close
this book now,
that I may
go live it.
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